Cause of Death- Facebook Edition
by Chocolatemilkahh
Summary: Just a very very VERY random thought I had. Basically, every volume written Facebook style. I hope you enjoy and please review :) CoD belongs to Electronic Arts
1. Chapter 1

CoD- Facebook Style

**AN: Hello fellow reader! This is just a random thought that I had and I just wrote what went through my head. Let me know in a review if you liked it and want to see more. Feel free to give any constructive criticism, for I may reeeeeallyyyyy need it xD**

**Thanks for reading and enjoy :D**

**Chapter 1: The Maskmaker**

**Mal Fallon checks in McGinty's Irish Pub**

_Diego Hernandez and 5 other people like this_

**Mal Fallon: **You and I are having a rematch later, Hernandez.

**Diego Hernandez: **A rematch to get whooped again? You're on, Fallon! :)

**Mal Fallon: **Over my dead body.

_Diego Hernandez likes this_

**Ken Greene logs in**

**Ken Greene: **Mal, you're needed at the S.F.P.D. Now.

_Mal Fallon and Diego Hernandez like this_

**Mal Fallon: **I thought I was suspended 'til next week… :/

**Ken Greene: **Well, now you're not. Leggo.

**Diego Hernandez: **You were suspended? Whatcha do?

**Mal Fallon: **None of your business…

**Diego Hernandez: **Damn… Harsh much? :(

**Mal Fallon: **Gettin' things done! _with Maria Yeong_

_Maria Yeong, Ken Greene and 2 others like this_

**Maria Yeong: **I would tell you what's up and everything but this is a social website and I don't need the media seeing this. :/

_Mal Fallon, Amy Chen and 20 others like this_

**Natara Williams joins Facebook**

**Relationship status: **It's complicated

**Birthday: **October 24

**Work: **Special Agent and Criminal Profiler of the FBI

**Mal Fallon: **Hey :)

**Natara Williams: **Hi. Is Detective Fallon around here?

**Mal Fallon: **You're speaking to him right now ;)

**Natara Williams: **Oh. Well, I'm Special Agent Natara Williams of the FBI. Pleasure to work with you.

**Mal Fallon: **Can I cal you Nat? ;)

**Natara Williams: **….. You can call me Special Agent Wiliams :/

**Mal Fallon: **Pshh, aint nobody got time for that!

**Natara Williams: **Oh god…

**Mal Fallon checks in the Zen Lounge **_with Natara Williams_

_Ken Greene, Maria Yeong, Amy Chen and 15 others like this_

**Jared Nolastname: **Screw you pigs! I'm outta here!

**Mal Fallon: **Oh hell no! ::runs out the back door::

**Natara Williams: **Where'd he go?!

**5 minutes later...**

**Mal Fallon: **Just bagged me a little fucker! :)

_Maria Yeong and 30 others like this_

**Jared Nolastname: **HEY! Get off me, pig!

**Mal Fallon: **Welp! That Jared kid is out. _with Natara Williams, Amy Chen and Eric Mills_

**Natara Williams: **Well, hotshot, any new ideas?

**Mal Fallon: **You have no idea, babe ;)

_Amy Chen and 50 others like this_

**Natara Williams:**… Anyways, to your crime lab?

**20 minutes later…**

**Mal Fallon: **Special Agent Williams, I'd like you to meet our extraordinaire data analyst, Amy Chen! : )

_Natara Williams and Amy Chen like this_

**Amy Chen: **Nice to meet you. You're really pretty! :D

_Natara Williams likes this_

**Natara Williams: **Thanks : )

**Mal Fallon checks in Italian Imports and Exports**

_Natara Williams and Amy Chen like this_

**Lance Boggs: **Hello, I'm Boggs. Lance Boggs. B)

**Mal Fallon: **Enough with the James Bond bit. What do you know about the Maskmaker's masks?

**Lance Boggs: **First you come into my store and then _accuse _me of such a crime? GET OUT!

**Natara Williams: **What the hell, Fallon? Are you _trying _to get yourself suspended?

**Mal Fallon: **What? That scum bag clearly did it!

**Natara Williams: **Sure, if that floats your boat…

_Amy Chen, Ken Greene and 10 others like this_

**Mal Fallon: **….

**Natara Williams: **:D look, I'll go in there and try to reason with him, ok?

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Natara Williams: **Good boy : )

**Mal Fallon: **This won't turn out well…

**Natara Williams: **Huh, watch me!

**Brittany Emerson checks in East Beach Bonfire **

_Sarah Emerson likes this_

**Sarah Emerson: **Hey, Brit, mom wants to know where you are!

**Brittany Emerson: **Damn…Sarah, I'm at the East Beach bonfire. Don't tell mom, though!

_Sarah Emerson likes this_

**Sarah Emerson: **What?! Mom will _flip_!

**Brittany Emerson: **Sarah please! Promise me you won't tell!

**Sarah Emerson: **Fine… Come home soon… I love you 3

_Brittany Emerson likes this_

**Brittany Emerson: **I will. I love you, too 3

**Christian Rose: **Damn scumbag cops always blaming me for things I didn't do!

_Miguel Flores likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **No one is blaming you but the fact that you're not coming with me says a whole lot, buddy!

_Natara Williams, Eric Mills and 20 others like this_

**Christian Rose: **Yeah right. You take me away and I'll go to prison, fuck that!

**Mal Fallon: **::facepalm:: Natara, please.

_Natara Williams likes this_

**Natara Williams: **Rose, we're not here to arrest you, we're here to ask you questions. If you come with us, you won't be arrested unless it's absolutely necessary.

**Miguel Flores: **Yeah, real nicely put, sweetheart.

_Mal Fallon and Christian Rose like this_

**Natara Williams: **Mal?! Really?!

_Amy Chen, Maria Yeong and 6 others like this_

**Mal Fallon: **I could ask you the same thing, Natara!

_Christian Rose, Miguel Flores and 1 other like this_

**Amy Chen: **Waiting for Mal and Natara's green light

_Mal Fallon and Natara Williams like this_

**Eric Mills: **Hello Amy.

**Amy Chen: **Hi, Eric. Wh-what's up?

**Eric Mills: **I uh, I heard my name. I'm pretty sure I did because I was standing on the other side of the door and looking at you. ; )

**Amy Chen: **O.o

**Eric Mills: **Why the face?

**Amy Chen: **Uhhhh…no reason. So have you found anything new?

**Eric Mills: **I have reason to believe you were talking about me… ::walks closer to you::

**Amy Chen: **No, Eric, I didn't mention your name at all. I think you're hearing things…::moves back::

**Eric Mills: **::inches closer:: Is something bothering you, Amy?

**Amy Chen: **::backs up:: Well umm…my mom is not feeling wry well. Yeah, my mom is sick!

**Eric Mills: **::pushes telephone over:: Why don't you give her a call and see how she's doing, then.

**Amy Chen: **Not while you're here. :/

**::computer boots up::**

**Eric Mills: **LIAR!

**Amy Chen: **Aw crap…

**1 hour later….**

**Wally Lubbock: **God damn this job. So boring. I need a new job…

_Ben Tate likes this_

**Ben Tate: **Hey boss, there's a weird boat docked outside. Check it out?

**Wally Lubbock: **Yep. I'll be right back, sonny.

**Ben Tate: **Really? Sonny? What are you, like 100 years old or something?

**Wally Lubbock: **Shut it, Tate!

**Eric Mills: **Don't be a stain, I'll show you your true face.

_Genevieve Collins likes this_

**Amy Chen: **Eric, please, you don't have to do this.

**Eric Mills: **But I have to. You just don't get it! I was born this way!

**Amy Chen: **Lady Gaga reference?

_Eric Mills likes this_

**Eric Mills: **…. Baby, I was born this waaaayyyy!

_Mikhail Volk, Genevieve Collins and 4 others like this_

**Mal Fallon checks in at Alcatraz Island- **_with Natara Williams_

_Natara Williams, Maria Yeong and 9 others like this_

**Natara Williams: **How is it possible to allow someone in the S.F.P.D without a full background check?

**Mal Fallon: **That's not the key question right now, sugar. Amy's is in danger and it's my damn fault!

**Natara Williams: **Mal, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Those who hire your team are clearly the worst…smh

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **: (

**Eric Mills: **Well well well, if it isn't Detective Macho Idiot and Special Agent Williams. Come to save the day.

**Mal Fallon: **Wow, is that all you got?

_Natara Wiliams and Amy Chen like this_

**Eric Mills: **I'll have you know, I've been working on that line all day!

**Mal Fallon: **I beg to differ because that sucked!

_Natara Wiliams and Amy Chen like this_

**Eric Mills: **You take that back right now!

**Natara Williams: **WTF?! Are we here to rescue Amy or not?

_Amy Chen likes this_

**Amy Chen: **Mmmhhmmm!

**Mal Fallon: **Sorry Amy!

**::epic showdown ensues::**

**Natara Wiliams checks in San Francisco General Hospital**

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Natara Williams: **Hey, how're you feeling?

**Mal Fallon: **I've had better days, Natara, better days.

**Natara Williams: **That bullet hit you pretty hard… I was amazed by how well you took it these past few days : )

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **Yeah, well I am a pretty tough guy…wait, you stayed here all weekend for me? : )

**Natara William: **Of course I did. And don't get any weird ideas, Fallon.

**Amy Chen: **MAL!

**Mal Fallon: **Amy? Boy am I glad to see you!

**Amy Chen: **: ( I'm so sorry…

**Mal Fallon: **It's ok, Amy

_Natara Williams and Amy Chen like this_

**Neha Mansingh checks in Collins House of Horrors**

**Neha Mansingh: **Hello? Is anyone in here? I've been sitting here for hours and I'm getting hungryyyy! HELLO?!

**Mikhail Volk: **Don't fret, my dear. The Connoisseur will be here any minute now.

**Neha Mansingh: **…. :,( shit….

**AN: Thanks for reading. Please review! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

CoD- Facebook Edition

**AN: OK, so this is some kind of interlude that I came up with. Facebook was down for the day so the gang turned to their Twitter accounts. I'm sorry if it seems very OOC. Please R&R and thank you guys vewy vewy mucho! **

**Kai Kalaba -**_it'skaitastic!_

Dang it! Facebook is down! Anyone wanna talk?

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

Really? I thought you were running that DNA sample! :(

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

I am! It's scanning right now…

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFallon_

_it'skaitastic _Yeah, shouldn't you be running a DNA sample? :/

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

_DetFal _Hey Maligator?! What's poppin'?

**Mal Fallon-**_DetFallon_

_it'skaitastic _Your head will bw soon if you don't get back to work, Kalaba!

**Natara Williams-**_SA_Williams_

Since when did this become Twitter time? Hmm? #iworkwithslackers

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFallon_

_SPCLAGNTNW _That's what I'd like to know... Hey, I'm no slacker!

**Kai Kalaba-**_it'skaitastic!_

_SPCLAGNTNW Yeah! _

**Natara Williams-**_SA_Williams_

Sure, that coming from the guy who started an unnecessary conversation on Twitter!

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

You guys are still on it? #eyeroll

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

_Ames508 _Heck yeah! Join us!

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFallon_

_Ames508 _Amy, don't listen to him. Just get back to work, please...

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

Is it break time already?

**Jeremy Redbird- **_RedbirdJer_

How's it going, everyone?

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFallon_

#facepalm #frustrated #ahhell Blaise...what the hell? Your account name...

**Natara Williams- **_SA_Williams_

Oh, come on, Mal. Anders isn't here now, let's just have fun :)

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

Yeah, Mal. Loosen up a bit! And about my account name... ;) #youknowwhat'sup

**Natara Williams- **SA_Williams

#ohnoshedidn't :/

**Jeremy Redbird- **_RedbirdJer_

_SA_Williams #ohyesshedid Blaise... _

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

#takeachillpill Relax I was just playing with him!

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

ALRIGHT, IT'S A PARTYYYYY! #hellyeah

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

Oh god..guys, he drank an energy drink... #herewego

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

What are you guys talking about? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

Welp, let's change the subject before he catches on...FAST #hurryhurry

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic! _

Oh so Blaise likes Mal?! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH A NEW FANFICTION! #excited

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

I told you... #facepalm

**Natara Williams- **_SA_Williams_

Kai...

**Jeremy Redbird- **_RedbirdJer_

Aw crap...

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFal_

Kai, seriously, please PLEASE get back to work.

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

Aww! It was just getting fun! Hey, why isn't your account name like anyone else's? You too, Natara, Jeremy!

**Blaise Corso- **_sex_on_wheels_

That's truuueee! You guys should change your account names!

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFal_

_sex_on_wheels _You too?!

**Natara Williams- **_SA_Williams_

_sex_on_wheels _We're ok, really, we don't need a customized account name -.-

**_Amy Chen- _**_Ames508_

_SA_Williams _Nonsense! Besides, you can't have anyone knowing your real identity, right? :D

**Jeremy Redbird- **_RedbirdJer_

_Ames508 _You have a point there... #agreed

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic_

_RedbirdJer _Woooo! #excited

**Natara Williams- **_SA_Williams_

_RedbirdJer_

You...what have you done #smh

**Jeremy Redbird- **_Sniper_Redbird_

Sniper Redbird? I love it! Thanks Kai!

**Kai Kalaba-**_ it'skaitastic!_

_SA_Williams DetFal _Eh? Eh? #nudgeyourribs

**Natara Williams- **_SA_Williams_

_it'skaitastic! ….._fine, let's give it a go #lesigh

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFal_

Aw hell... -.-

**Natara Williams- **_SA_HottieBoomBottie_

Oh my GOD! Kai you _know _I hate this name! :/ #wtaf

**Blaise Corso- **_blondebombshell_

Screw it, I'm changing mine 2!

**Jeremy Redbird- **_Sniper_Redbird_

That fits you juuuust right ;) #turnedon

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

Guys..not here O.o #getaroom

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

Oh, by all means, please continue!

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

Kai EWWWWWWW! #grossedout

**Blaise Corso- **_blondebombshell_

Just when I thought you couldn't get any creepier...

**Natara Williams- **_SA_HottieBoomBottie_

_blondebombshell _Have you seen my account name? Courtesy of said creeper.

**Mal Fallon- **_DetFal_

LOL! #LMAO

**Jeremy Redbird- **_Sniper_Redbird_

Boom! xD

**Mal Fallon- **_Choirboy609_

Oh hell no. Change this right now, Kalaba!

**Natara Williams- **_SA_HottieBoomBottie_

xD this is EXCELLENT! I'm crying right now!

**Amy Chen- **_Ames508_

Aww, that's so cute! I love it! Keep it, Mal!

**Blaise Corso- **_blondebombshell_

Hahaha oh my god wait til facebook comes back!

**Mal Fallon- **_Choirboy609_

Don't you dare put that up! #rage

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic!_

How about Maligator?

**Mal Fallon- **_Choirboy609_

Kai, wherever you are, I'd get the hell out of there right now! #you'redeadmeat

**Kai Kalaba- **_it'skaitastic_

Uh oh! O.o

**AN: See? I suck at keeping them in character! Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Cause of Death- Facebook Edition**

**AN: HEYYYYYY, I didn't think this story would get any reviews at all but boy was i wrong! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! Thank you all so much! You all get cookies! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cause of Death at all.**

**Chapter 3: The Connoisseur**

**Emille Schulleman checks in at Golden Gate Park- **_with Sandi Demme_

_Sandi Demme likes this_

**Sandi Demme: **:D slow down, we'll wear out my new pumps!

**Emille Schulleman: **Screw those I'll buy you new ones tomorrow!

_Sandi Demme likes this_

**Sandi Demme: **Heh, one drink and all of a sudden you're my personal Santa!

_Emille Schulleman likes this_

**Emille Schulleman: **;)

**Vincent Scalletti checks in Golden Gate Park**

**Sandi Demme: **Oooh, hold on, baby, let me take this call ;)

**Emille Schulleman: **Alright, don't be gone too long 3

**10 minutes later…**

**Vincent Scalletti: **So you're the old fart that's been hooking' up with ma girl…

**Emille Schulleman: **Y-your g-girl? She's with me!

_Vincent Scalletti and Sandi Demme like this_

**Sandi Demme: **Just let it go, old man. You're nothing but a…but a…. DIRTY OLD MAN!

_Vincent Scalletti likes this_

**Vincent Scallettii: **You tell 'em babe!

**Emille Schulleman: **That's not what you said earlier when I had you up against that tree!

**Vincent Scalletti: **That does it, old man!

**ATTENTION: VIOLENT SCENE- BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP**

**Mal Fallon checks in Golden Gate Park- **_with Natara Williams and Maria Yeong_

**Maria Yeong: **You know how it goes. Our Forensic technician is going over the crime scene just over there.

**Mal Fallon: **Forensic Technician? When did we get a new one?

_Natara Williams and Amy Chen like this_

**Maria Yeong: **He's actually been applying for that position for a really long time. 'Bout time I gave him the job…

**Natara Williams: **….

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **So you waited 'til someone nearly gets killed for you to finally hire someone who I pray is normal?!

**MarIa Yeong: **…. Your shoe's untied.

**Mal Fallon: **Hi, you must be our new Forensic Tech. : )

**Kai Kalaba: **Howdy! :D

**Natara Wiliiams: **So, what have you come up with?

**Kai Kalaba: **Well, I was told not to mention anything on Facebook so I'll message you guys! :D

**Kai Kalaba: **Now, if you guys need me, I'll be over the hill, watching those hot babes in bikinis! ; )

**Mal Fallon: **Nice kid. I like him.

_Kai Kalaba likes this_

**Natara Williams: **Him? You like that guy? Is there ever a FT who isn't…weird?

**Mal Fallon: **Sadly, nope. But look on the bright side, he may not be a total pain in the ass.

**Neha Mansingh: ** Look, man, I don't know what I'm in here for but if you don't get me out of here, I swear I'll have you arrested!

_Mikhail Volk and The Connoisseur like this_

**Mikhail Volk: **Oh really? And who will arrest me, your mommy?

_The Connoisseur likes this_

**Neha Mansingh: **No, my big sister, Natara and her partner! They'll be here any second to take your old sorry ass to prison where you belong to rot in hell!

_Mikhail Volk likes this_

**Mikhail Volk: **Natara Mansingh. Just who The Connoisseur wants to see… : )

**Neha Mansingh: **: (

**Maria Yeong- Messages**

**Maria Yeong: **Mal, an anonymous caller just called saying they were at the bar where our vic and suspect were. Say they're arriving to the precinct.

**Mal Fallon: **We're on or way. Thanks. , Cap : )

**Maria Yeong: **Oh look, the witness is here…she's hot…

**Mal Fallon: **O..k.. we'll be there in 5…

**Mal Fallon checks in SFPD PD- **_with Natara Williams_

**Natara Williams: **Your captain said she was _hot_? Sounds like something Kai would say.

_Mal Fallon, Amy Chen and 10 others like this_

**Mal Fallon: **Heh, let's just see if it's true!

_Maria Yeong and Kai Kalaba like this_

**Sandi Demme: **Are you the two cops interviewing me?

**Mal Fallon: **Good god, she is!

_Maria Yeong, Kai Kalaba and 2 others like this_

**Natara Williams: **::facepalm:: Yes, we are your interviewing detectives, Miss. Demme.

_Amy Chen and Anna Willis like this_

**Sandi Demme: **Oh good, I'd be happier as soon as I get me a slice of that beef cake ; )

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **Hehe, you can have as many as you like ; )

**Natara Williams: **MAL, FOCUS!

_Anna Willis, Amy Chen and 3 others (females) like this_

**Sandi Demme: **Ugh, fine!

**Mal Fallon: **You're no fun, Williams…

_Ken Greene, Kai Kalaba and 10 others like this_

**Sandi Demme: **Ok, so I was at the bar, I had a few drinks in me, when all of a sudden this old dude comes out of nowhere. He offers to take me to the park and we get all frisky up against a tree.

**Mal Fallon: **Lucky…

_Maria Yeong, Ken Greene and 15 others like this_

**Natara Williams: **Fallon, follow me. Now.

**Mal Fallon: **What now?

**Natara Williams: **She's lying. As annoying as your constant flirting with a _suspect _is, I'm gonna need you to go in there yourself and get the truth out of her. Kapeesh?

**Mal Fallon: **Oh, you got it ; )

**Neha Mansingh: **What do you mean you're using my sister? Tell me!

**Mikhail Volk: **Soon… soon

**Neha Mansingh: **: (

**Mikhail Volk: **Oh, The Connoisseur is home!

**Neha Mansingh: **The Connoisseur is a person?

**Mal Fallon: **So, about taking a slice of this beef cake…?

_Sandi Demme likes this_

**Sandi Demme: **Mhmm, come to mama ; )

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **::pulls her close to me:: You've been a bad girl, huh?

**Sandi Demme: **Oh yes, punish me! ; )

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **::breathes into her neck:: Tell me what you did…

**Natara Williams(from behind the 2 way window): **Damn…he's good…

**Sandi Demme: **Oooh, I killed that Emille Schulleman guy for 100 bucks that my boy-toy, Vincent Scalletti, offered me… ::leans up to kiss him::

**Mal Fallon: **::whispers in her ear:: Gotcha…

_Natara Williams likes this(in a weird way)_

**Natara Williams: **HA! You're under arrest, lady! Where does this scumbag live?!

**Sandi Demme: **Damn, detective, you're damn good. Do you do this to all your female suspects? And I ain't sayin' anything unless I get an immunity form!

**Mal Fallon: **Deal!

**Natara Williams: **MAL!

_Amy Chen, Anna Willis and 20 others like this_

**Vincent Scalletti: **Gonna go visit the babe : )

_Sandi Demme likes this_

**Sandi Demme: **Hon, whatever you do, DO NOT open your front door. Please.

_Vincent Scalletti likes this_

**Vincent Scalletti: **Why not? You don't wanna see me no more?

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

**Mal Fallon: **You're under arrest, Scalletti. : /

**Vincent Scalletti: **Dammit…

**AN: Thank you for reading :) **

**Now if you will just press that little button below, I'll greatly appreciate it. xD**


	4. Chapter 4

**Cause of Death- Facebook Edition**

**AN: If you guys get confused while reading the story because there aren't any break lines, please forgive me. It's frustrating how you make break ins in one thing, save it on here and this website doesn't put the breaks for you….scumbag Fanfiction smh…. AAANYWAYYY, I hope you guys have as much fun reading as I did writing this! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cause of Death at all.**

**Chapter 4: The Hunters**

**Molly Dearborne: Getting a good run at GGP! : D**

_The Hunter poked you_

**Molly Dearborne: **Who's this?

_Molly Dearborne pokes back_

_The Hunter pokes you_

**Molly Dearborne: **Ok, I'm running here, why are you poking me?

**The Hunter: **Cause I wanna see you…

**Molly Dearborne: **Do I know you..?

_The Hunter pokes you_

**Molly Dearborne: **Ok, ass-clown, who the hell are you?!

**The Hunter: **Your worst nightmare… ::holds a knife::

**Molly Dearborne: **Haha, very funny, I can out run you, you know.

**The Hunter: **Heh, let's see about that. You're just a poor defenseless girl who's running from the fat girl you used to be. I'd be surprised if you can out run me…

**Molly Dearborne: **::runs away::

**The Hunter: **Let the games begin…

**5 minutes later…**

**Molly Dearborne: **Ahhhh! No, let me GO!

**The Hunter: **That's too bad, you weren't fast enough…

_SHANK!_

* * *

**Mal Fallon: **Damn, that kid can run fast!

_Ken Greene likes this_

**Ken Greene: **Whatever, man, it's your fault he got away anyway!

**Mal Fallon: **My fault? I'm not the one who was driving and got us here late!

**Ken Greene: **… Just stay on the kid, and I'll go around and trap him!

**Mal Fallon: **Alright, just don't get lost on the way like last time! xD

_Natara Williams, Kai Kalaba and 12 others like this_

**Ken Greene: **Screw you, Fallon!

**Kevin Jackson: **Running away from da popo!

_Shaquille Jackson likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **You won't run for long, kid!

**Kevin Jackson: **No way, sucka! Heh, watch this! ::runs off parker style::

**Mal Fallon: **Oh, you wanna play? Let's play!

**7 minutes later…**

**Mal Fallon: **Hey, kid!

**Kevin Jackson: **Huh? W-who? I thought I lost yo ass! here you common' from?!

**Mal Fallon: **::jumps off the nearest car and pummels him on the ground:: Don't mess with the S.F.P.D!

_Natara Williams and 29 others like this_

**Kevin Jackson: **Aww lawd, my momma goon' be mad as hell!

* * *

**Natara Williams checks in Genevieve's House of Horrors- **_with Shawn Mallory_

_Shawn Mallory likes this_

**Natara Williams: **What kind of messed up house is this? Reminds me of a gruesome scene in that movie Saw…

**Shawn Mallory: **Oh yeah…creepy isn't it?

**Natara Williams: **Pshh, you can say that again…

**Shawn Mallory: **Oh yeah… creepy isn't it?

**Natara Williams: **-.- Shut up, Shawn…

**Shawn Mallory: **I want to help you on this case.

**Natara Williams: **Yeaanope.

**Shawn Mallory: **But why not? I thought you loved meee!

**Natara Wiliiams: **Look, I got more important thighs to worry about, ok.

**Shawn Mallory: **That doesn't mean that we're done talking about this, missy! , my apartment, tonight? : )

**Natara Williams: **Yeah, whatever…

* * *

**Messages- Maria Yeong**

**Maria Yeong: **Ok, Malibu, here's the deal: this young female, still not identified, was found dead this morning by a runner. Thing is, she's not the typical 'dead' we expect…

**Mal Fallon: **What do you mean she's not the typical 'dead'?

**Maria Yeong: **She was huh…she was cut open with a knife..and umm laid out on the grass, detective.

**Mal Fallon: **O.O AWW SICK! ::makes gagging sounds::

**Maria Yeong: **You know, Kai said the same exact thing…only he looked like he enjoyed the scene.. that kid needs help.

**Mal Fallon: **Bad…

* * *

**Mal Fallon checks in Golden Gate Park- **_with Natara Wiliams_

**Mal Fallon: **Bison paddock.

**Natara Williams: **Bison paddock? San Fran has a bison paddock?

**Mal Fallon: **Yep! In the 1880's, bison were put together to procreate so that they wouldn't go instinct. Third grade report, got an "E" for excellent thank you very much!

_Natara Williams and 29 others like this_

**Natara Williams: **Oh wow. Good to know you're not as dumb as you look, Fallon :D

_Shawn Mallory likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **I can shoot you, you know. : /

**Tasha King: **Detective Mal Fallon!

**Mal Fallon: **No comment!

**Tasha King: **You don't even know what I was gonna say…

**Mal Fallon: **I know you well enough to know you want to know what happened out here..

_Maria Yeong, Natara Williams and 30 others like this_

**Tasha King: **Oh, I'll get the story out of you one way or another. Just you wait…

**Mal Fallon: **You'll try : /

**Tasha King logs out**

**Natara Williams: **You know her?

**Mal Fallon: **Yeah, why? You jealous ; )

**Natara Williams: **Why would I be jealous of her? I have my own boyfriend…

**Mal Fallon: **Have you _looked _at me?

_Tasha King likes this_

**Natara Wiliams: **Oh, you are _so _full of yourself, Mal… xD

_Ken Greene likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **:-*

_Natara Williams likes this_

* * *

**Mal Fallon checks in Paring Dermatology- **_with Natara Williams_

**Mal Fallon: **Can you believe the _nerve _of that receptionist? "Go wait in the lobby, you'll scare our patients!"

**Natara Williams: **Right? The only thing that'll scare the patients is that God-awful hairstyle! It looks like she fought her hair dryer and the hair dryer won!

_Mal Fallon and 19 others like this_

**Mal Fallon: **xD Oh god, I can't breathe! ::doubles over laughing::

**Natara Williams: **And the color! It doesn't even match her skin tone! xD

**Mal Fallon: **BAHAHAHAHAHA! XD

**Klaus Paring: **You two ok? If not, you'll have to take your raucous outside.

**Natara Williams:** ::laughter subsides:: I-I'm s-sorry! I'm Special Agent N-Natara Williams… and this is Detective Mal Fallon of the S.F.P.D.

**Klaus Paring: **… Have you two considered modeling? Seriously, you two have impeccable skin : D

_Mal Fallon likes this_

**Mal Fallon: **Really?!

**Klaus Paring: **Oh yes! I can definitely use you both for a poster in my office!

**Mal Fallon: **Oh stop it, I'm blushing! :D

**Natara Williams: **MAL! FOCUS! DETECTIVE MODE NOW!

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**Mal Fallon: **Right! Dr. Paring, we have reason to believe these murders might be connected to your practice.

**Klaus Paring: **What are you implying? Are you implying that I was the one who did it? : /

**Natara Williams: **No, not at all, Dr. Paring! Unless you _were _the one to do it!

**Mal Fallon: **I mean, you might as well. The only connection, and I do mean only, is that these women were once patients in this clinic…

_Natara Williams, Amy Chen and 12 others like this_

**Klaus Paring: **No… that's impossible…

**Mal Fallon: **You bet your ass it's possible! It's gotta be someone here who has access to these files… Have anyone one mind?

* * *

**Max Paring: **H-how'd you k-know it was me?!

**Mal Fallon: **Dear ol' daddy Klaus told us. You're under arrest, kid.

**Max Paring: **Damn you, father! Ahhhhh!

**Many violent actions later…**

**Mal Fallon: **O.o

**Natara Williams: **Woah… did…did that just happen?

**Mal Fallon: **…Yes. ::makes gagging sounds::Not again…

* * *

**AN: I just realized that "The Connoisseur" chapter wasn't completed. Wahhhh I didn't get into full detail with Nat's kidnapping! I'm such a bad person! :,(**

**No biggie, I'll make sure to complete the whole volume for the next one! **

**I also couldn't complete the whole volume on this chapter because I came down with a serious case of WRITER'S BLOCK, dun dun dun! **


	5. Chapter 5

Cause of Death-Facebook Edition

**Chapter 5- Zero Hour**

**Herman Hartnell checks in at San Francisco General Hospital**

Herman Hartnell sits up on his bed at the San Francisco General Hospital, patiently waiting for his doctor while focusing his mind on a crossword puzzle.

**Herman Hartnell: **….

Suddenly, an interesting topic comes on the news: the 40th anniversary of the "California Code Killer".

**Jennifer Bale logs in**

**Jennifer Bale: **Mr. Hartnell? I just wanted to let you knowthe doctor is running late, but he'll be in to see you as soon as he can…

_Herman Hartnell likes this_

**Herman Hartnell: **Of course. Thank you. : )

**Jennifer Bale: **Oh and also, I don't mean to pry, but I saw you filling out a crossword puzzle in the reception area.

**Herman Hartnell: **Oh yes. I must confess my weakness for puzzles. Why do you ask, dear?

**Jennifer Bale: **:D Well, I do them on my break time and I'm stuck on a word… Something about 'the windy digit is used to keep the rows'. It's a four letter word. Any idea what it could be?

**Herman Hartnell: **See? There goes! Why does everyone want to cheat off of me?! It's a simple answer, simply _think_! What have teachers been teaching these days?!

**Jennifer Bale: **I don't know, but it's not teaching us about crossword puzzles, that's for damn sure!

**Herman Hartnell: **… I refuse to be cared for by a cheater! Get me another nurse! Now, you brainless woman!

**Jennifer Bale logs out**

**Herman Hartnell: **Imbecile...

Within moments, Dr. Earl Fassbinder walks into the room.

**Dr. Fassbinder: **Hello, Mr. Hartnell, how are you feeling today?

**Herman Hartnell: **I was feeling skiddelydoo until that nurse of yours came in asking about helping her with a crossword puzzle…::trails off talking nonsense::

**Dr. Fassbinder: … **If you could just lift up your shirt, Mr. Hartnell?

The elderly man does as he is told. He then feels as if a dozen bags of ice cubes were being poured down his shirt as the circular metallic part of the stethoscope comes in contact with his liver-spotted skin.

**Herman Hartnell: **FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!

**Dr. Fassbinder: **Relax, Mr. Hartnell, I'm sure you've felt worse…Now cough for me, please.

**Herman Hartnell: **_COUGH!_

**Dr. Fassbinder: **Again.

**Herman Hartnell: **Is this necessary? I feel like I'm retaking my prostate exam…

**Dr. Fassbinder: **Again, Mr. Hartnell.

**Herman Hartnell: **-.- _COUGH!_

Dr. Fassbinder jots down a few notes and loosely wraps the stethoscope around his neck.

**Dr. Fassbinder: **Alright, old man, tell me if this hurts.

What came next was nothing short of amazing: Dr, Fassbinder quickly drives two

fingers into Hartnell's stomach and with his amazing reflexes, Hartnell strikes Fassbinder in the face knocking him out cold.

**Herman Hartnell: **Yes, that hurt you son of a bitch! ::dresses himself while mumbling about the bad service this hospital gives and leaves the room. Dr. Fassbinder still out cold.

**Ken Greene **is chasing down some wanna-be cowboy with a rope!

_Natara Williams and Maria Yeong like this_

**Natara Williams: **Get him, Ken! I'l be there in 30 seconds!

_Ken Greene likes this_

**Ken Greene: **Can you make it any faster?

**Natara Williams: **HA! Didn't I tell you not to eat so many dang doughnuts before we got out of the precinct? Hmm?

_Maria Yeong likes this_

**Ken Greene: **….

**Maria Yeong: **So glad I'm not in the field as much as I used to be…::scarfs down two doughnuts:: :D

_Natara Williams, Kai Kalaba and 1 more person like this _

**Ken Greene: **BOOYAHH! Caught his sorry ass!

_Maria Yeong, Natara Williams and 2 more people like this_

**Natara Williams: **Nice collar, Ken. How does it feel to nab your first serial killer? :D

**Ken Greene: **Not as hard as ignoring the dumbs quip he made about dancing on his grim gallows. But other than that, feels damn good!

_Natara Williams likes this_

**Shawn Mallory checks in to Genevieve's Estate-**_ with Phil Morris_

_Phil Morris and Natara Williams like this_

**Phil Morris: **Agent Mallory, what about this jar of molars? Where does it go?

**Shawn Mallory: **Oh, just tag each tooth and put them with the other items. We'll ship them to the forensic dentist at Quantico.

**Phil Morris: **…You expect me to tag _each and every one of _these nasty teeth? Ain't nobody got time fo dat!

**Shawn Mallory: **You'll definitely "have time fo dat" when I decide to sh-

Mallory's rant was cut off as he gets a phone call.

**Shawn Mallory: **Damn, I gotta take this call. Mind giving me some privacy?

**Phil Morris: **I've heard of "take five", but sure, take your time.

**Phil Morris logs out**

**Genevieve Collins logs in**

**Shawn Mallory: **Genevieve. Can't say it's a pleasure speaking to you again…

_Genevieve Collins likes this_

**Genevieve Collins: **Oh relax and don't get your panties in a bunch. I just wanted to congratulate you. Your friends seem to have found the Haight- Ashbury killer. Ehh, he was not a very bright or creative child. Although he did make me a cat's cradle once…fiendish little thing.

**Shawn Mallory: **I know. I found it in your lair of darkness. Next time one of your children make you a present, maybe he shouldn't be buying his materials at traceable stores.

**Genevieve Collins: **Ahh, I knew I should've been careful about my choice in these children…

**Jennifer Bales: **Finally out of work. Now for some good rest.

_4 people like this_

Going through the back alley, Jennifer takes out her car keys. Suddenly, there is a dark shadow darkening her field of view.

**Jennifer Bale: **Huh, who are- Mr. Hartnell? What are you doing out here? Do you need me to take you back to your room?

_Herman Hartnell likes this_

**Herman Hartnell: **No, no, my dear. I just simply need you to…care for me in my after life as my vassal…

**Jennifer Bale: **Vassal? What the hell…Mr. Hartnell, here take my arm, I'm bringing you back to your room.

**Herman Hartnell: **No! I don't need to go back to my- ahh what the hell am I doing?!

**Nothing is seen but a black screen and pain filled screams and sounds of… is- is that carving?!**

**Herman Hartnell: **That should do… not a very bright girl but a great asset in the afterlife.

**Herman Hartnell logs out**

**A/N: **i'M SO SORRY for taking so long to update this. Laziness, writer's block and not being a huge fan of this volume did that to me!

I'm also sorry for how bad this turned out to be. ::sigh:: I really need to get back on the game xD

Anyway, thanks for reading and being patient with me. And if you'd like, there's a beautiful button just below this note that allows you to review this chapter! It's a splendid button, please, do review :)


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